RNY and Beyond

Ch...Ch...Changes

2010-05-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

In the last year there have been tons of changes, some significant, some more insignificant, but the one that has been most obvious other than the weight loss is my constantly changing here. Here is the newest do:

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

2010-05-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

My nieces came to visit about two weeks ago. Every visit with them is a new and interesting experience, they change so much in just a few months and it is amazing to see the young ladies they are turning into. I am still shocked when these girls want to do something that is "just like me" When it comes to these girls their desire to do something like me is the sweetest thing they could ever say to me. So here are some pictures of their recent visit;

The Bird's Nest

2010-05-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

I am very particular about my house. It has taken me months to paint a room because every inch must be perfect. In reality I should call it a day and put the room back together, but I can't let go of the expectation that it should be perfect. A few weeks ago I had decided to cut down two trees in the front yard. I got an estimate and got ready to do it, before I signed the paperwork the tree man noticed there was a bird's nest in the tree. I took the time to look at the nest out of my guest bedroom window, and sure enough I saw baby birds in the nest. The decision was made for me, the tree would stay. I find myself drawn to looking at the birds nest, watching the baby birds. The trees that had been the bane of my existence are now beautiful to me, watching the circle of life happening right outside my window. It motivated me to finally finish up the office I have been painting. I still haven't fully accepted the concept that sometimes things don't need to be perfect to be perfectly ok, but every day I work on it and come a little closer to that reality.

I have lost an incredible amount of weight in the last eighteen months, but it wasn't perfect for me, I was always looking for the next pound to lose, the next size to get into, the time for plastic surgery to roll around, I finally took a step back and realized that if I never lose another pound, if I never have plastic surgery, if I never get smaller than I am right now, I've done good enough and I'm happy with the way I am right now. Life is good.

Me vs. The Bull

2010-03-11T05:38:00.001-08:00

After my surgery I resolved that I was going to try new activities that I have never tried before, this week I decided to ride a mechanical bull. It didn't end well. My actual injuries were not caused by riding the bull, but by the operator shoving me over the ring around the bull before the air mat was blown up. I smashed face first (from a distance of about three feet) into the concrete floor. By smashing I mean I hit the floor nose and forehead first and then since my face was plastered to the rubber, wrenched my neck when the rest of me came down. Though I am covered with some narly looking bruises, I will share the ones to my face, since they best document my stupidity. I had two drinks and a full meal before doing this, so alcohol was not a factor in this injury. I apologize that there are no pictures of my face while riding the bull, I didn't stay on long enough for my friend to catch a shot of my face. I did enjoy my two second ride, but I'm not sure I need to do it ever again. I can however cross smashing into concrete face first and riding the mechanical bull off of my bucket list :-)

I swear the beverage in my hand is unsweetened ice tea.

Mounting a Mechanical Bull is harder than it looks. I'm going to get a thigh master before I even consider doing this again!

It looked like such a tiny scratch.

This is before the pain set in and I still thought it was funny!

Then the swelling started!

So off to the hospital we went!

First night home from the hospital.

First night another angle.

Second night, there are bruises forming under my eyes, but they are hard to see on here.

Day Three!

The Reasons for My Surgery

2010-01-14T14:07:00.001-08:00

15 months out

2010-01-14T13:40:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my surgery was 15 months ago. There have been a lifetime of changes in those 15 months. Last year at Christmas I was already feeling better about my appearance, now for the first time in a long time, I feel pretty. I walk with confidence, I'm happier, and if you can believe it more outgoing.

I saw an online post that made me think, it was someone talking about friends treating her differently after she had lost weight. I have noticed this too, but I wonder if the change is my weight or if the change is me. It is not the pounds that I have lost that have made me look so different, it is the internal struggles, the inability to deal with negative emotions, and the time I am taking to learn new coping skills. So while you see a thinner body the change is in my eyes, my face, and my smile, the glow you see now wasn't there before, but I hope it never goes away. Of course I have many pictures as usual, I let my five year old niece take these, so I hope you all can appreciate her artistic vision.

Happy New Year!!

2010-01-14T13:30:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I posted but life gets away from you like that sometimes. I was worried that this holiday would be hard, but it was actually the easiest one I've had in a while, I went out to dinner with my parents and had a wonderful time just the three of us, like it was for so many years before I became an "adult" and decided to take the world on my own. My parents have been such a great source of strength these last few months. I have always had a close relationship with my parent's but I've never been the type to lean on anyone, my dad didn't raise any china dolls and I've always been determined to never act broken. I never knew that by giving up some control and leaning on them, that I would feel more centered than I have in a long time. As the holidays and the new year came upon me I felt a sense of peace and in my quiet moments I realized, I am happy. My life has changed in ways I never thought it would, and the future that I planned so carefully in my twenties has been replaced with a new zest for life. I've grown closer and reconnected with some old friends and have made some wonderful new friends.

Over the last eight years I had lost myself, I had molded my personality to try and and make it work with who everyone else wanted me to be, this year my commitment to myself (no more resolutions) is to be true to who I am, to keep the shoes that fit and move on from the ones that don't. I'm going to give more than I take, take only what I need, and offer others all that I can, no matter how things turn out the balance will always be in my favor. In my new life, and in the rediscovering of the old me I'm all in or I'm not in at all.

My nieces came down for their typical Christmas visit and we had a wonderful time. They are ten and five now and being with them is so easy and fun, though I admit I miss those cuddly baby days and a child that would fall asleep in your arms, but in exchange I have two nieces that I absolutely adore and who love me, to be loved wholly by a child is an indescribable feeling.

My sister and I and some other good friends went to First Night Raleigh, which is Raleigh's version of Times Square, we had some really good conversation, saw a really bad comedy improv show, made fun of Mia for taking so many pictures, and rang in the new year full of happiness and hope.

Insomnia

2009-12-22T01:52:00.001-08:00

I would consider my life to be fairly normal at this point. I can eat a relatively normal diet, I can walk, I can run, I exercise, I buy clothes at regular and not plus size stores, but two problems have remained: I still struggle with acid reflux and insomnia. Tonight is one of those insomnia nights, I guess on a positive note I've gotten quite a bit of cleaning and organizing one. Insomnia is a post op problem that I have heard many other post op patients talk about, however it is not one that they tell you about when you are preparing for surgery. I would still take insomnia and acid reflux over the everyday struggle to exist I was living before surgery, but for those of you struggling with insomnia seek medical help, the insomnia may have a clinical cause.

A Tale of Two Tables

2009-12-21T23:11:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago I moved to NC to start law school, I moved into my first apartment and filled it with hand me down furniture from various family members. My mom gave me two tables, the oak kitchen table that sat in our kitchen as I grew up, where we did crafts, ate family dinners, decorated cookies, where I did homework and my applications for college. It was scratched and scarred and I vowed I would replace it as soon as I had my first real lawyer job, I covered it with a table cloth and tried to hide what I perceived were the flaws. Ten years later I still have that table and I've made my own memories at that table. Dinner parties with friends, scrapbooking with my friends, arts and crafts with my nieces, it is now even more scratched and scarred and stained, but has no tablecloth. I have come to appreciate the scars, and the stains and I keep finding new uses for that table. The table is just like me I'm scarred, and stained and flawed, but my foundation is strong and I will always continue to find new ways to make my life important and make memories that will last a lifetime. I look at the tiny scars on my belly that are the only outward evidence of the journey I have been on and they help me remember how far I've come.

The second table was one made by my grandfather, a simple wooden table with three legs and stains on top. Another table I couldn't wait to get rid of, I tried to sell it twice and give it away once. I tried to leave it behind when I moved but somehow this table just kept coming along and every time I would be ready to take it to the dump and get rid of it I would find another way to make it useful, just today I found just another use for the table I was finally going to get rid of. Learn to appreciate the things in our life that aren't always perfect and that don't seem to always fit, because they can become useful in the most surprising ways.

Sometimes at table is not just a table.

The Flag

2009-11-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

I bought an American flag today. I was standing on my front porch the other day just listening to the rain and I noticed, for the first time since I moved into this house three years ago, that I had a holder for a flag pole on the front of my house. My grandfather was a war veteran and his birthday was Flag Day, it was a family tradition to proudly fly the flag in his honor. Those of you that know me know that I don't believe in heaven or afterlife, but I do believe my grandfather's memory is with me now when I need him the most.

So I bought a flag. I am going to use it as a reminder to myself to stop rushing from one thing to the next and start slowing down and living life on my terms. Enjoy what I've got now and stop trying orchestrate my entire life in one day. When the flag comes I will fly it proudly, in honor of my grandfather and me.

The Mundane

2009-11-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

What can I eat:

I can eat pretty much what I want, I try a little of everything and if something doesn't agree with me I usually don't eat it again. I cannot eat fast food, I have tried but it does not sit well with me. The only fast food I can eat (if I'm forced to eat fast food) is a Filet O Fish or shrimp from Long John Silver's. I still cannot drink plain water, at this point I may never be able to again. I am surviving on my beloved Teavana, my new obsession Tang, flavored water and whenever I can Starbucks.

Lately I have been having trouble eating, this could be due to the major changes in my life, or I could have another stricture, I see the doctor in a few weeks to follow up about this. I continue to take my vitamins and supplements that I will have to take for the rest of my life. I recently discovered Calcet Creamy Lemon Bites and I think I may be in love. I have to lock them away from myself or I would eat them like candy.

I continue to have issues with my hematocrit and hemaglobin and have been referred to a hematologist to see if they can figure out why my numbers are off, all of my other numbers seem to be good, but we'll see how my labs are after this latest round of eating issues.

I joined a gym and I can work out for an hour at a time and not leave feeling like I want to die, I have discovered the reason people rave about exercise endorphins, they really are an awesome thing.

So for all the loyal people that have been reading my blog for the past year, what do you want to know? Ask me and I'll post it up for everyone to read (anonymously of course).

Update on me

2009-11-17T21:33:00.000-08:00

It has been one year and nineteen days since I had my surgery. My starting weight was 367 pounds I now weight 194 lbs. If you had told me this time last year, when I was in the midst of my post op liquid diet and regretting my decision, that I would head into 2010 171 pounds lighter and with a whole new outlook on life, I never would have believed it. This surgery has led to a lot of changes in my life, changes I never anticipated. When you meet with your surgeon before surgery they say, we operate on your stomach, not your head and it is up to you to make a change in your habits in order to keep up the weight loss. I thought the surgery would be as simple as cutting me up, sewing me back together and in the end I would be skinny. Well I'm almost skinny, I'm all sewn back up, but I'm a different me. I walk into a room with confidence, I'm not embarrassed to tell people I had the surgery it makes me proud, that I did something just for me and that I have followed through, followed my rules and shaped a totally new person.

Most people have reacted positively to my weight loss, but the dynamic in some of my relationships has changed. When you were always the overweight one, some friends don't know how to handle it when you aren't anymore. Some of those friendships will survive and some of those friendships will not.

I thought I would start the new year trying for a baby with my husband, that was the goal of the surgery. Instead I will spend the next few months learning to live on my own again, finding the single me that has been overshadowed for a long long time, and finding new goals for myself. I know that I will survive and time and dedication heal and conquer all wounds. So I find myself, sad, scared, angry and excited all at the same time. My possibilities at this point are limited only by my imagination.

As promised One year Photos

2009-11-10T18:41:00.000-08:00

Has it really been a year????

2009-10-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in two months, in fact I skipped my eleventh month update. My last post was on August 29,2009 and on August 30, 2009 my husband and I separated. It was at the same time, expected and shocking. The specific details are private between me and my husband, but I think its fair to say that we both started going in different directions and weren't able to find our way back to each other. It has been a year of constant change, and this is the beginning of another chapter in my life. MY new, you didn't want it, but here it is single life. I'm coping using more change, I got a kitten, I'm painting several rooms in the house, I've moved the furniture in my house, I've joined a gym. I wish I had profound words to say here, but I don't. There are good days and there are bad days and I hope that soon the good will out number the bad. I am grateful for the support of my friends and family, not just for their support in the last two months, but for the last year.

The bad news is the stress and the change have led to difficulties eating. Most of us are familiar with the "break up" diet, this time it has sent me 25lbs down instead of up. I am tired and I lack energy, but I'm hoping as I adjust and my appetite comes back I will level off my weight and my energy will come back up. Even now I can run circles around the girl I used to be. I'm happy to leave her behind.

A year out I find myself a different me, different in ways I never thought were problem. I have more self confidence, I never thought I lacked that, but I feel comfortable walking into a room now, I don't feel uncomfortable being the center of attention, though there are those who know me that would argue I've always enjoyed being the center of attention, I would argue that I'm pretty good at faking it.

For the first time this decade I weigh less than two hundred pounds, I don't have my one year pictures with me yet, but I promise to get them up soon. In the meantime, here's huckabee for your viewing enjoyment.

10 Months Out

2009-08-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

It snuck up quickly on me this time and I cannot believe I am ten months out from surgery. I still wish I was smaller around the middle and I will continue to work on it, but over all every day is better than it was nine months ago.

Mini-Vacation

2009-08-28T15:17:00.000-07:00

I went to the Biltmore Estate this weekend. It was somewhere I had been dying to go for quite a while and I finally planned a trip. This weekend they had a flower carpet display. I know my backyard will never look like that, but I do with we could have some green grass.

I did some wine tasting and after about seven tiny sips I was feeling giddy. I wasn't drunk but my days of drinking are over. Though I sober up quickly the smallest amount of alcohol makes me very tipsy, very quickly.

The Little Things

2009-08-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

Before surgery I rarely wore jewelry, getting through the day was enough of a struggle that I didn't bother with extra's. I'm sure I portrayed an image to other people that I didn't care about myself, but I did it was just a tremendous effort to do what I was already doing; I wore makeup once a month or so, I always wore my hair up, my neck was too thick for necklaces and even the ones that did fit ended up bothering me. I also did not wear earrings, they bothered my ears, my holes had closed long ago and anything that dangled drove me nuts.

Well today I did a few things that the old me never did, put on makeup, did my hair, wore a necklace and pierced my ears.

Here are a few pictures of the results:

Things I've discovered since surgery

2009-08-01T17:15:00.000-07:00

Its been nine months, it seems like I just wrote my 8 month update. My nieces were here this past month and the time just flew by. I have a lap, an actual lap perfect for snuggling nieces, resting papers, squeezing a coffee between my knees to put splenda in it (I admit the last thing is an act of stupidity, but we are all entitled). This was possibly the best summer I've ever had with my nieces, we left no activity undone. I am exhausted, but it is a good exhaustion, the kind that comes from having done so much you used up all your energy and not the kind of exhaustion that comes from being so overweight that every day is a struggle. Total weight loss 170 pounds.

My Inspiration

2009-07-28T19:33:00.000-07:00

I posted recently about missing my grandfather and how he was a big motivator for this surgery. My grandfather was a healthy and active man most of his life. When he was 80 years old he was winning chin-up contests at the gym. He was also a healthy and active smoker, it eventually caught up with him and he was diagnosed with lung cancer. The cancer changed him from a strong and vibrant man to a man who was physically very weak. We thought he was getting better and then he has a stroke, testing after the stroke revealed cancer in his brain, the lung cancer we thought was under control has metastasized around his body. It was three short and shocking weeks and then he was gone. My grandfather chose not to have drastic measures to save his life and when he was unable to feed or care for himself he went into hospice care. We spent seven days watching him breathe. The doctors told us they couldn't tell us when the end would come, but as his breathing slowed the end was getting nearer. We took turns sitting there for a week, counting his breaths, hoping for one more and wishing that he could be in peace. What I wanted more than one more breath was one more moment with him as the man I remembered. The day he died was really the day my weight loss journey began, I was angry with him for being a smoker, I saw every cigarette as a moment that was taken away. Slowly I began to see these extra pounds as moments, moments I was taking away from myself and from my family and I decided I wanted them back. With every pound lost I feel more vibrant and more alive and more at peace with the loss of a man who meant so much to me.

Idle Hands

2009-07-28T19:16:00.001-07:00

Make for lots of recent pictures of me.

My WOW Moment

2009-07-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

Flying has been difficult the last couple of years. I recently went to a children's museum with my nieces and they had a fake cockpit complete with airline seats. Not only did I fit in the seat, I buckled it with room to spare!

Walk down Memory Lane

2009-07-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

My three nieces are visiting me right now. We have been having a blast and tonight we decided to have a slumber party. The girls wanted to look through my wedding album and watch my wedding video. I was a little hesitant to watch it because it is hard to see myself when I was heavy, but all I could see was how happy I was that day. My niece looked at me and said you look different now than you did that day. It was the first time she's mentioned it. There is no question that I am happy with the weight I have lost, but I was happy with my life before too. I don't want this blog to create the impression that my life as a heavy person was not filled with happiness, it was, but now I am more of a participant than an observer.

My 31st Birthday

2009-07-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

I turned 31 yesterday and this past week has been like a walk down memory lane for me. I spent the last week at Virginia Beach with my mother, my nieces and my sister. I spent many summers at Virginia Beach as a child, my great grandmother has a cottage there and I went there every summer until I was about sixteen years old. I went back many summers while in college and law school to share the memories with my friends. Just after my husband and I got married the cottage was sold and my Husband and I went to the beach to clean it out. I hadn't been back to Virginia Beach since that day, I had mixed feelings about going to the site where so many of my childhood memories were made and seeing an empty grass lot where the cottage had once stood. On the way up to Virginia we stopped to visit my grandfather's grave.

My grandfather died three years ago. He is a major reason that I am the person I am today and each time I look at my progress I feel a small pang of regret that he never got to see me live up to the full potential he always believed was there.

We avoided it for a few days, but we took a drive past the place where the cottage used to be. There was nothing there but grass. Even though the cottage was gone, we still had a blast at the beach. It was comforting to know that even though the house was gone I could still make memories at the beach. It is a lame metaphor for my life, my former identity is gone, but I can make new memories the way I am now.

This weekend I walked on the beach in a bathing suit, and while I don't exactly feel like a Hawaiian Tropic model, I didn't feel like people were pointing and laughing at me either.

Here is a glimpse of some of those new memories:

A little story

2009-07-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

I turn 31 next Friday, turning 30 was hard for me, all I could think about was how much I had wanted to accomplish that I had not yet done and all the things I felt I would never accomplish. Turning 31, is not nearly as bitter sweet. As a matter of fact this is the first birthday I can remember where I'm looking forward not back.

Five months ago, weighing 270 pounds I went to the mall with a friend and bought a size twelve skirt. It seemed like such a far away and lofty goal at the time. Today I took some pictures in that skirt, and it was exactly what I needed in the middle of this long and frustrating stall.

8 Months Out

2009-07-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

At eight months out from the surgery life is far more normal than I thought. My eating issues seem to be behind me and I can eat a relatively normal diet, just a lot less than what I ate before. I had my second round of post op blood tests and have been directed to follow up with a hematologist. My hematocrit and hemaglobin counts are low and the doctor wants me to follow up to make sure I am not developing a problem with anemia.

My weight is stalled, hopelessly and completely stalled. I have lost 152 pounds, but not a single pound in the last six weeks. I am trying not to frustrate, but I do wonder at what point a stall becomes the weight my body is determined to maintain. The truth is I would like to be thinner, now that I have come all this ways, visions of finally being thin dance in my head, but I have accomplished every other goal I set out for myself.

My niece is here for the summer and for the first time ever, she's wearing out before I do. It is uplifting to know that I can keep up with the often boundless energy of children.

I haven't taken my pictures yet, but they are coming soon I promise.

The one major change in the last month, my elusive collar bones have finally made an appearance and I am happy to see them!

Ham Update

2009-06-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

This post has gotten more responses than any other post I have made on my blog. I'm not quite sure what to make of that, but for those of you who are curious (and there were MANY) I still have not located the ham and no the trunk of my car does not stink. I will post additional ham updates as they become available.

My first post surgery outing.

2009-06-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

In a lot of ways the recovery from this cyst surgery has been more difficult than the recovery from the bypass surgery. I think the recovery has been slowed because I am slower to hear now than before. So in all my infinite wisdom I decided to go to Target on my own the other day, the following ensued;

Went to the doc this morning, he insisted on seeing me before giving me a refill of my pain meds to make sure I didn't have an infection. No infection, just a swollen ass.

So I decide to go to target by myself to fill the prescription. He said I could drive whenever I was ready as long as I wasn't taking any narcs.

I'm leaving target and it looks like its about to down pour. So I run as fast as a person with sixty stitches in her ass can run. I'm halfway to the car and the sky opens up. It was like someone was dumping buckets on me. I throw the groceries in the trunk and then have a dilemma.

It is going to take me five minutes to get situated behind the wheel of the car. So I open the back door and dive in the backseat and lay there waiting for the rain to stop. After about three minutes I hear a knock on the window, I look up and see a police officer standing there in the pouring rain. I struggle to get up, I kneel on the floor of the car and open the door for him. He asks me if I am ok, I say yes, I had surgery on my butt and I'm sore. He asks me to repeat myself. Then he says are you sure you don't need any help. I said nope I'm fine just waiting for the rain to stop. He looks confused but walks away. He goes and gets in his car and waits for me to leave the parking lot, then he

When I got home I unloaded the groceries and somehow lost a three pound ham. I have torn the house apart and have no idea where it is.

Oh and the cherry on top, I caught rotovirus from the freaking hospital!! Nine years of working as a nanny, two years as a preschool teacher and I never catch it, I spend half a day in the hospital and whammo.

(The maxi pad is taped to my bum to cushion the stiches, it was the doctor's idea!)

Home from Surgery

2009-06-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

About two weeks ago I was diagnosed with a pilonidal cyst. For those of you who haven't heard of this it is a cyst on the my tailbone. A few weeks ago it flared up and was causing me quite a bit of pain. (For those of you who are curious about this I don't recommend google, the images are gruesome.) Mine was not nearly as inflamed as some others get but the pain was not going away. Ironically this is usually something found in people who are overweight. The pain from mine only became unbearable after my surgery. It is strange that this is now the second time I have suffered from something that theoretically should have gone away after the surgery. I still don't regret the surgery and half of me wonders if perhaps I am just paying more attention to problems that were always there. I had surgery this morning to remove the cyst and I am home and recovering. I have strict orders to avoid sitting unless absolutely necessary for the next two weeks, so I may be updating my blog every ten minutes.

My weight is still stalled, this marks week nine of my stall, however yesterday I noticed that my shorts were quite loose, so hopefully that is a sign that I will start losing again soon. When I met with the nutritionist he mentioned that it is not uncommon to stall at a weight your body was at for quite a while. The size I am now was the size I was at for most of college so that may be the explanation for the stall. It would be nice to see the scale move again though.

The nausea is gone!

2009-06-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

It appears that my problems with nausea after eating were indeed related to acid reflux. After several days on a much stronger acid reflux medication, the nausea is all but gone. Words cannot express how happy I am about this!

Falling off the Wagon

2009-06-01T15:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I didn't follow any of my eating rules. I think saying I fell off the wagon is an understatement, it is more like I ripped the wagon apart and set if on fire. If there was food there I ate it and the unhealthier the better. Nothing in particular set it off, except possibly the stress of building a new closet organization system. My bedroom and master bathroom look like a bomb went off, and I won't be able to get it put back together until this weekend. While I am handling the stress better than I normally would, it still has left me feeling out of sorts.

Normally something like this would have set off weeks of bad eating. But today I'm back on the wagon, no junk food, healthy protein, and eating only every two and a half hours. Like I've said before, you fall down, you get up. Its my new life motto.

7 Month Checkup

2009-05-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

I had my "six" month check up with my surgeon the other day. So far they are pleased with my progress and I am doing well. I have lost more than 50% of my excess body weight and so I am ahead of their expectations at this point. I mentioned that I am still having problems with nausea and they put me on Protonix, this is a much stronger acid blocker than I had previously been taking. If the nausea is related to acid reflux this should take care of the problem. I haven't been on it long enough yet to know if is working, but I'm hopeful.

Random things you learn after WLS

2009-05-25T16:03:00.001-07:00

I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out, but I am sensitive to the Niacin in multi-vitamins. About the time that my pouch problems started I switched form my chewable bariatric vitamin to Centrum vitamins. Because of all the other issues I was having I didn't realize at first that these vitamins really upset my stomach. Not only do they give me pain in my pouch, they also make my skin flush, and give me a headache that lasts an hour or two. So needless to say I will not be using them anymore and my husband now has a years supply of vitamins. I don't know if this was a problem before the surgery because I never took a multi-vitamin until after I had the surgery. I will be going back to the expensive vitamins that don't make me feel like I want to die. If anyone out there needs Centrum coupons let me know :-).

Mini Wow Moment

2009-05-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

There are moments when it hits me that my body is really different. We went out tonight and I had one of these wow moments. I used to have shirts that were perpetually stained in the chest area, I was always spilling food there. Today I sat down in a restaurant and put the napkin on my lap, it actually covered my whole lap. While I was eating I spilled food on my pants. The fact that I'm a klutz who spills her food may not seem like a real wow moment, but it indicates two things; 1. I actually have a lap now, 2. I'm small enough that there is room between me and the table that actually allows food to fall to my lap. So if the stain doesn't come out of the shorts it will be a reminder of how far I've come, and if it does come out, well there will be plenty more opportunities for me to spill food on my lap.

7 Month Update

2009-05-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

No comparison this time, you all know what the old me looked like. Here is the new me. (The real reason is that photobucket hates me and messed up all my pictures, while I'm fixing that you can look at the new me.

I'm back!

2009-05-23T13:29:00.001-07:00

I've been neglecting my blog. I went on vacation with a friend for a week and I am just now getting back into the swing of things. For the most part things are going well, the eating is improving and I am back to being able to eat "normally". In an average meal I can consume about 1/3 to 1/2 a cup of food depending on how dense it is. My liquid intake has been fabulous, now that I discovered loose leaf tea I am drinking about 80oz a day. All of these developments have kick started my weight loss, though I am still loosing slowly. I have lost 143 pounds. It is strange to think that I've lost more weight than some people weigh.

I've discovered two new favorite foods, soft cheeses with crackers, particularly Port Wine Cheese and Laughing Cow Light, I typically spread it on whole wheat crackers. I also love Carb Master Tortillas with peanut butter. Peanut butter and I are finally friends again, there was quite a long period of time where I couldn't eat it without feeling sick.

Some of you know that I have developed an obsession with coupons. A few months ago I was able to get a really good deal on Centrum Silver vitamins, unfortunately when I take them they make me feel like crap. I get a headache that lasts at least an hour, pain in my pouch and I flush all over. It is most likely a reaction to the niacin in the vitamins, I've had to go back to the expensive ones, but that is not the end of the world.

My hair loss has slowed down. It has not completely stopped but it is no longer coming out in handfuls. Hopefully this trend will continue and it will grow back in the same way it was before. I am self conscious about it, but my friends assure me that it is not noticeable.

Now that I can eat enough calories again I will be going back to an exercise routine. I am doing great so far but I can't get complacent and fall back on my old habits.

Slowly getting better

2009-05-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

It seems like things are slowly getting better. I have not had any burning in my pouch in a few days and I have been able to eat more at each meal. I am cautiously optimistic at this point that what the doctor did worked. I'm still eating a pretty bland diet, but at least I can eat which is a huge step forward at this point.

Not much to report on the weight loss front. I think my body went into starvation mode when the eating problems started and I have only lost four pounds in the last month. Hopefully once I can start exercising and taking in the proper amount of calories the scale will start moving in the right direction.

I did have two small non-scale victories this week. When I was at the hospital for my procedure they gave me the normal size gown and it covered me up without a problem. I also go to wear the normal person's blood pressure cuff and not the one that says XL in big bold print on the side. Sometimes there is a lot of joy in the small things.

Getting Rid of Baggage

2009-05-04T16:01:00.000-07:00

On Saturday morning I finally got up the courage to take all my oversize clothes to the good will. It was harder than I thought it would be to get rid of them, but six contractor bags later I feel a little more free of the weight that was bogging me down.

Endoscopy Results

2009-05-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

The results of my endoscopy are good but slightly frustrating. He found no stricture and no ulcers, but the opening if my stoma (where my esophogaus meets my stomach) was only 11mm, he widened it to 18mm which is about as wide as they will go. After my endoscopy I ate lunch and was able to get down a more normal portion (normal for a person six months out from gastric bypass). I've been drinking all day without a problem, but this evening the slight discomfort is back and though I was able to eat more than I have in the past month for dinner, I still could not get down as much food as I had in the past.

I'm going to give it a few days and take it easy on my pouch. If that doesn't fix it I'll be back to the doctor to figure out what the next steps are. I did get some cool pictures of my insides that I'll post when I get them scanned.

Letting Go

2009-04-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

I have six contractors bags full of oversize clothing in my garage. All that is left to do is pack it in the car and take it to the good will. It should feel good to get rid of them, purging the old me and bringing out the new. Literally getting big of baggage so to speak. Even with the small issues I"m having right now I have zero regrets about this surgery. I found the real me hiding under all that weight. What I don't know is why can't I get rid of the bags? Hopefully I'll find an answer to this question soon.

6 Month Update (Gosh has it been 6 months!!!)

2009-04-27T16:39:00.001-07:00

These are self explanatory by now, then and now:

Doctor Update

2009-04-27T16:31:00.000-07:00

I saw my surgeon today about the problems I have been having with food. His best guess is that I have developed a stricture and possibly an ulcer. I will have an endoscopy on Monday morning to figure out what is going on for sure. If it is a stricture they can fix it during the endoscopy, if it is an ulcer they will give me medication to take care of it.

For those of you who do not know what a stricture is, it is a narrowing of my esohpogaus as it enters my stomach and makes it very difficult for food to get through.

Exercise Update

2009-04-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

I've been limiting my exercise because of my food intake issues, but I have been trying to stay active. Yesterday I went to the NC fairgrounds with a friend and walked around the Southern Woman's Home Show and the Flea Market for about four hours. It was more like strolling, but I was out and about.

Today I did about two and a half hours of vigorous cleaning and by vigorous I mean the kind of cleaning where you break a sweat. I'm not sure Richard Simmons would call it exercise but I'm counting it.

Tailbone Update

2009-04-25T16:26:00.000-07:00

I really hope this is not a case of speaking too soon, but this is the first day since surgery that I have had no pain in my tailbone. Not even a twinge, the pain is totally and completely gone. Now lets hope it stays that way.

Tailbone Pain

2009-04-24T19:28:00.001-07:00

Shortly after my surgery I began having pain in my tailbone and lower back. I went to an Orthopedic doctor and went to physical therapy for about three months, the pain in my back was caused by an unstable "SI" joint, and the physical therapy and doing regular exercises to strengthen my core has eliminated that pain. However, the pain in my tailbone gets worse with every pound that I lose. Today I got a cortisone shot right over my tailbone. I have heard some horror stories about it, but the shot itself was not that bad, the whole thing took about a minute and then it burned for about thirty seconds. I am sore right now but I hope the pain goes away soon.

Still Can't Eat

2009-04-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

Today is the worst day I've had with regards to eating since right after the surgery. Everything I try is sitting like a lead weight in my pouch. I am not in any pain, but I'm uncomfortable most of the time, but especially when I eat. I spoke to the nurse at my surgeon's office about this again and she thinks it is time to come in and be seen. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday and a strong feeling that there is an endoscopy in my future. I keep trying to convince myself that this is all in my head, but today I felt sick after eating half of a hard boiled egg, in the past I could eat two eggs in a sitting with no problem so clearly something is going on.

So as a result of all the problems with eating I have not been able to exercise, I am only taking in about 500-700 calories a day which is not enough to keep my blood sugar from crashing when I exercise. It has also kicked my body into a stall with the weight loss. I am hoping that the surgeon can get to the bottom of this quickly so that I can get back on track.

The nurse did say that if solids were giving me a problem I could just give up on them for now and do a liquid diet this weekend. That sounds great to me and maybe if I give my pouch the weekend off it will like me again.

Spring is in the Air

2009-04-21T21:29:00.001-07:00

Went out with some friends today on a beautiful spring day. Took a few pictures, I haven't taken my official six month photos yet, but this gives you a good idea of my progress.

Rave about Tea

2009-04-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

A few months ago when my coffee obsession started my husband predicted I would go back to tea before too long. Well I have the other day when I was at the mall I wandered into a store that sold hoity toity tea, the equivalent of a Starbucks for tea. I tried two samples and I was hooked, I never realized there was a difference between fancy tea as my husband calls it and the box tea from the grocery store, but there is and it is truly a treat. If any of you have trouble with liquids like I do and want some more variety I would recommend checking them out. Their website is www.teavana.com. Right now I particularly enjoy their Rooibos Tropica (tastes orangy and fruity and is scented with Jasmin) and Rooibos Chai (tastes like a chocolate chai). Its not cheap, but for me it has been worth it so far.

Today's Exercise

2009-04-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

Went walking today with a friend and walked about three miles in forty minutes, we walked at a pretty good pace so I'm proud of my exercise accomplishment.

I did a little better in the food department today, I had yogurt for breakfast, curried chicken salad for lunch, cheese snacks for a snack and homemade chicken pot pie without the crust for dinner. I talked to the NP at my surgeon's office today and she has doubled my dose of Prilosec to see if that helps with the issues that I'm having. I also put a call into the dietitian to see if he has any suggestions for me. I'm feeling more encouraged today and hope that this was a phase I have passed through and things will go back to normal soon.

60 Day Challenge: Day ?

2009-04-18T16:01:00.000-07:00

Not sure what day I am on in the challenge but I have been trying to keep up with my daily activity. Today was one of those great spring days in NC, 80 degrees, not a cloud in the sky and a slight breeze, I went out with my parent's dog and I walked three miles.

WOW Moments

2009-04-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

I toyed with the idea of surgery for a while but one of the real clarifying moments for me came when I was looking through a photo album and realized that I didn't have any pictures of myself with my nieces or family, that I was slowly eliminating myself from pictures and my life cause I couldn't stand the way I looked. This week my nieces came to visit and I happily took pictures with them. It is so nice to be able to capture these memories instead of just reliving them in my mind. This is my life and I'm back.

You fall down, you get up again

2009-04-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated the blog in a while and its because I've been going through a blah period. It feels like I have taken several steps backwards with food. Generally I have been eating about half a cup of food at a meal, but lately at some meals I am able to eat a few bites and then I am full. It is possible there is something anatomically wrong, it is also possible that I've gotten lazy about chewing and need to go back to basics.

Dumping has not generally been an issue for me, but I find myself getting nauseous about once a day on foods that I have eaten many times before without a problem. The only way to really resolve what is going on is to make a trip in to see my surgeon, I will be scheduling one as soon as possible.

As a result of the problems I've been having eating the thought of eating is now making me feel sick. I'm forcing myself to eat but I've been supplementing with protein shakes to keep my calories and protein up. It has been about two months since I last had to rely on them to get my daily required intake.

The good news is I don't have any pain and there are times when I can eat like normal. This may mean that the problem is not physical but a mental aversion to food. Even though I am frustrated I am determined to keep going. I've stumbled but I knew this process would be difficult and I am going to do what I need to to meet this challenge.

I may be turning a corner at this point, today was the first time in a while that I was interested in food, I developed a craving for some curried chicken salad I used to make a lot so I am going to make up a batch tomorrow and see how it goes down.

The good news is I bought some new shorts today, SIZE 16 and I am down 136 pounds. Other than the issues with food I feel great.

Roller Skating

2009-04-17T17:00:00.001-07:00

The other night I went roller skating for the first time in 16 years. I fell and busted my butt but it was still an exhilarating feeling. I never realized how much of a workout skating was, but I definitely worked up a sweat. I can't wait to go again.

Starbucks, it is time to say goodbye!

2009-04-10T05:26:00.000-07:00

This is a very sad day for me, I love my Starbucks, I don't however love the discomfort I've been having in my pouch lately. It was not actual pain, just discomfort that seemed to get a little worse when I drink or eat. It was mild at its worst, but definitely not normal and felt very similar to the way I felt on the two occasions where I forgot to take my acid reflux medication.

I was halfway convinced I had an ulcer but could not figure out why the pain was transient. I woke up this morning and had breakfast and felt fine. One hour later the discomfort was back, the culprit, coffee. So for now it is time to say goodbye. I will miss you coffee, you've been a good friend.

Moodiness

2009-04-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

I am not generally a moody person. I tend to be fairly upbeat most of the time, with occasional bouts of OCD. Since the surgery I have noticed my moods tend to fluctuate more than they used to. I don't know if this is because I was drowning these emotions with food in the past or if it is because of the hormone changes from surgery. The occasional bouts of unprovoked anxiety mean my house is cleaner than it has ever been. I have heard this is common after surgery and it is only recently that I started paying attention and notice that my moods are changing much more rapidly than they used to.

Just for Fun!

2009-04-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Hair, Hair, Hair

2009-04-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

My hair is still falling out, some days it comes out at what seems to be an alarming rate. I try to calm myself and remember that this will eventually stop. Here are comparison pictures;

PRE HAIR LOSS

POST HAIR LOSS

So be honest, can you tell?

Issues with Food: Good News and Bad News

2009-04-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

The good news is I CAN EAT STEAK!! I finally broke down tried it about a week ago and no problems. It is a much denser meat than what I've been eating and so it makes me feel full much quicker, but no pain and it doesn't make me feel sick. I've truly missed steak and I am really glad I can eat it again.

The bad news is that even though steak agrees with me some things that I have eaten in the past that agreed with me are now making me sick. There does not seem to be a rhyme or reason to this, sometimes I will eat something I have had many many times and half an hour later it will make me feel sweaty, nauseous, and weak. It could be the start of something called reactive hypoglycemia, which means my body is overreacting to insulin that it releases to digest food, or it could be that I have developed dumping syndrome. My next follow up appointment is in May, but until then I will continue to experiment with my diet and see if I can find a common denominator.

One other bit of good news, I have not had a blood sugar crash for the past three weeks. While one problem seems to have been replaced with another, it is comforting that I don't have random moments of worrying that I'm going to pass out.

Neglecting my Blog: 60 Day Challenge (What day am I on?)

2009-04-06T18:14:00.001-07:00

I've been guilty of neglecting my blog, I've just been out living life and got a little distracted from updating on here. I've tried to stick with the exercise routine and I am living a more active lifestyle in general. On Friday April 3rd I walked around Ikea with some friends, we walked around for about three hours and did it in four inch heels, those of you who don't think it counts as exercise haven't walked in heels.

Today April 6th, I walked with a friend for about thirty minutes. We normally walk longer but we did it at a much more intense pace today. Unless its raining we will walk again tomorrow.

60 Day Challenge: Day 47

2009-03-28T09:25:00.000-07:00

Exercise

Went for a walk this morning for about 45 minutes, not sure how far, but my guess is it was about two miles. I'm not feeling completely better, but we are dog sitting for my mom's dog and he is a very sweet dog but generally uses his excess energy for barking. I was hoping to tire him out so I could enjoy a quiet afternoon. So far it seems to have worked. Despite the fact that I am sick I feel surprisingly peppy right now.

Just for Fun

2009-03-26T18:19:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine took some photos today, thought I would share the ones I like;

I've lost some things

2009-03-26T17:17:00.000-07:00

119 lbs
10 sizes
30 inches
If you find them keep them, I don't want them back.

I can't believe its been five months, here are my picture updates.

Challenge on Hold

2009-03-26T17:16:00.000-07:00

Considering that the least bit of physical exertion is sending me gasping for breath right now and I can't eat enough right now to meet my minimum calorie requirements, I'm going to put the challenge on hold until I'm feeling better. I hope I'm back up and running in the next two days.

60 Day Challenge: Day 48

2009-03-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm officially sick again! No exercise today, I barely ate and so it didn't seem like the best idea.

Food

2 hard boiled eggs
5 bites of a ham sandwich
2oz of chicken
1 oz macaroni salad
very small salad

60 Day Challenge: Day 49

2009-03-22T22:33:00.000-07:00

Exercise
Today was my most grueling day yet :-) I let a 2 and 5 year old chase me around outside for about 40 minutes. I'm considering today's exercise challenge met.

Food
I only ate twice today, this cold is really kicking my butt and the post nasal drip is making me feel sick to my stomach. I did eat:

Half a bratwurst
2 tortellini
2 pieces of cauliflower
1 piece of banana bread

60 Day Challenge: Day 50

2009-03-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

Exercise

Today I spent about three hours walking around the mall, I did this in four inch platforms, but I think three hours consecutive of any activity counts, so I'm considering my challenge met for the day.

Food

I think I'm coming down with a cold and didn't feel up to eating anything for dinner so my food is a bit light for the day.

2 hard boiled eggs
1/2 piece of banana bread
Chicken and Carrots out of a Bob Evans Pot Pie
Oatmeal Raisin Cookie

Drinks

32oz of milk
12oz of caffeinated tea
23oz of herbal tea
24oz of iced decaf skinny vanilla latte from Starbucks

60 Day Challenge: Day 51

2009-03-20T22:57:00.001-07:00

Finally back to my exercise routine, took a brisk 20 minute walk today with a friend (I should get extra credit cause it was FREEZING outside, real freezing not North Carolina freezing). Then we walked the mall for about an hour, though I admit it was not at the quickest pace, but we were out and about and doing something.

Food
1 6oz yogurt eaten in two sittings
1/4 of a sandwich on italian bread with ham and cheese
1/4 of a chocolate chip cookie
1 piece of bread with butter
1 small piece of pizza with some cheese that slid off another slice
10 almonds
6 jelly beans
1/3 of a blueberry muffin

60 Day Challenge: Day 52

2009-03-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

Another day with no exercise, when I started this challenge I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to work exercise in when I was off my routine. Next time I plan to be away from home I'll need to find a way to plan in advance so it can happen every day.

Food
18 Almonds
Chicken and a few bites of sweet potato casserole from Cracker Barrel
White meat from fried chicken (didn't sit all that well)
Small Salad
1/2 of a biscuit
Few French Fries

60 Day Challenge: Day 53

2009-03-18T19:05:00.001-07:00

Exercise
No exercise today, I spent 14 hours in a car with my inlaws and there was no opportunity for exercise. I'm going to try to do an hour tomorrow.

Food
1/2 of a turkey and cheese sandwich
1/2 Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich
20 almonds
1 South Beach High Protein meal bar
1 bag of quaker rice snacks with 90 calories per bag
1 small slice of pizza
1/3 of a breadstick

Drink
46oz of herbal tea
24oz of milk

60 day Challenge: Day 53

2009-03-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

Exercise

Today I was at the hospital with a friend who was having an outpatient procedure. I was watching her 13 month old who was terribly tired. I walked the halls and outside with him for 1 hour and 15 minutes. I don't know how many miles I walked total but a brisk pace was required to keep him from fussing.

Food
1/3 of a cheeseburger
2 colby jack cheesesticks
Corned beef
2 carrots and a few bites of potato
1 hard boiled egg

60 Day Challenge: Day 54

2009-03-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

I've been a little behind on my blogging, so I'm trying to catch up.

Exercise

I did twenty minutes on the treadmill and then about an hour of vigorous house cleaning. Cleaning the baseboards, scrubbing the floors etc. Google tells me house cleaning can burn calories so I'm counting it.

Food

1 hard boiled egg
Cheese and sausage from the top of the homemade pizza
Yogurt with Flax seed

60 Day Challenge: Day 55

2009-03-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

Exercise

I did 45 minutes at a brisk walk with an incline on the treadmill today.

Food

One piece of crustless quiche with swiss cheese and sausage

2oz of pork with egg noodles

18 almonds

6 Pepperidge Farm snack sticks

Drink

40 oz of iced herbal tea

18 oz of decaf coffee with fat free half and half

60 Day Challenge: Day 56

2009-03-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

Exercise

Today I did 30 minutes of exercises on the Wii Fit, it is probably not the most intense workout that I've done, but it was something different and kept me motivated to do my exercise tonight.

Food

4oz of chicken breast and 4 pieces of zucchini

2 pieces of colby jack cheese snacks

1/3 of a hot dog and six french fries

2/3 of a sandwich on one slice of bread with cheese and ham

Drinks

40 oz of decaf herbal tea

32oz of milk

85 lbs to go

2009-03-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

As of today I want to lose 85 more pounds. My window to lose weight is generally the first year, and while people can lose weight after the first year, it gets much harder for them to do. I think it is a totally doable goal, but I am adding in the exercise just to make sure that I get there!

60 Day Challenge: Day 57

2009-03-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

I really really didn't want to exercise today, I was tired and I have a blister on my toe, but I made myself do it. I spent thirty minutes walking on the treadmill. I even spent some of that time jogging. Granted I only jogged for thirty minutes at a time, but its the first time I ever jogged in my life.

Food:

It was a crap day for food, too many carbs and not enough protein. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Half a sandwich with cheese and ham and a bit of mayo.

Banana pudding with banana pieces and almonds (made with a scoop of vanilla protein powder)

Six chips from on the Border and 1/8 of a cheese and chicken quesadilla

1/3 of a slice of pizza

3oz of chicken breast

Drinks (not too bad drinks wise)

24oz of milk

1 decaf skinny vanilla latte from Starbucks

40oz of herbal ice tea

30oz of regular ice tea

60 Day Challenge: Day 58

2009-03-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Today the exercise wasn't quite as intense, but I met my goal. I walked with a friend for 45 minutes, we probably ended up walking about two miles.

What I've eaten:

One slice of bread with cheese and some mayo

3oz of chicken and four pieces of zucchini

40z of strawberry yogurt with two teaspoons of ground flax seed

18 almonds and 2 tablespoons of Craisins

60 day Challenge: Day 59

2009-03-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

So today I woke up and tried to do an interval walking program on the treadmill. I only lasted 15 minutes, but I'm going to try tomorrow with a smaller incline and a little slower. I drank milk before that workout and felt fine.

Then I went to physical therapy about an hour and a half later, I didn't know they were going to put me on the stationary bike and after 12 minutes on that I passed out. Once I came to and drank some milk, I did about thirty minutes of abdominal exercises.

Tonight I walked two and a half miles with a friend. I might have overdone it a bit today but I have a feeling I'll sleep good tonight. it will be a little tricky figuring out what to do about the hypoglycemia, but I drank milk before my walk tonight and carried some almonds and jolly ranchers with me, I didn't need them though. My solution right now is to make sure I have milk in the house and to drink 8oz right before I work out.

What I ate today:

3/4 of a single serving container of Dannon fruit on the bottom low fat yogurt with three teaspoons of flax seed

1 snack size 2% milkfat cottage cheese

2 colby jack cheese snacks and 8 wheat thins

3 oz of chicken, three bites of a baked sweet potato and two peices of zucchini

1/2 a cup of banana pudding with vanilla protein powder and one cut up banana

18 almonds

24oz of milk

48oz of other beverages

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

2009-03-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have been lucky up until this point that I can eat pretty much what I want (except beef and jelly beans) and have not had any episodes of getting food stuck in my pouch. Last night it happened for the first time. I think that I was not as vigilant about chewing as I should have been and I was in pain for quite a while. About three hours after I ate the food I got sick, and spent about two hours being naseous and dry heaving. It was a harsh reminder to chew, chew, chew. I'm fine today but my pouch has been a little "pissy" and i'm sticking with mushy foods for the day.

My 60 Day Personal Challenge

2009-03-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

I've been more than pleased with my weight loss, but with just about 100lbs to go I know I'm not going to succeed using diet alone. So I have decided to exercise at least once a day for thirty minutes for the next sixty days. I'm going to post about my daily progress here, so for all of you that complain I don't update enough, you will soon be eating your words.

Speaking of eating, I am also going to post here daily what I am eating. Feel free to comment, call me out on eating crap, or ask any questions that you have. I will post about every morsel that passes my lips, but be warned, I'm not a WLS saint.

I started the exercise today, I walked 3.5 miles and I actually feel pretty good. Score 1 for me.

Changes

2009-03-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

What would life be like if I hadn't has the surgery. I'm pretty sure that I would still be living the same existence that I did before the surgery. The one that got me to the point where I needed surgery to get my weight under control. Where I was stressed out and so focused on others that I never took time for me. There was always one more thing to do for work, or for a client or for someone else, that I got lost in the shuffle. I'm not lost anymore, I feel like i've taken control of my life in ways that I never did before.

The biggest change is the pride I take in me. I used to get up about thirty minutes before I was required to be somewhere, shower, run a brush through my hair and off I went. Now I actually get up early to get ready, I blow dry my hair, I put on make-up, I wear pantyhose (those that know me well know of my life long hatred for pantyhose, I didn't even wear them on my wedding day.) I take pride in my appearance, I feel better when I look put together. Its also been a frustrating change, I am far more critical of my appearance now than I was before.

I went clothes shopping for the first time, I thought it would be a fun experience. The first day it was overwhelming and I got so frustrated that I came home with nothing. First, everything I took into the dressing room was too big, and I appear to be right in between two sizes. One was very baggy in the legs and the other gave me the oh so attractive muffin top. Clothes shopping was a lot easier 100 lbs ago, not a lot of choice, I was too big to camouflage anything and the rule was, if it zipped I bought it. I still look at my closet some days and wonder what the helk I was thinking. The second day I went back with a better attitude and a game plan and I found some outfits. I'm posting pictures here of the ones I think were winners, let me know what you think. You should be able to leave a comment and it will go up as soon as I approve it.

I've noticed people treat me differently, they smile more, engage in conversation with me more, go out of their way to talk to me. I don't know if this makes me sad or not. I can't figure out if it is because people are treating me differently because I've lost weight, or because they notice the changes in me.

My Wedding Dress

2009-03-04T21:45:00.000-08:00

I tried on my wedding dress today, I'm not sure what possessed me to do it, but I felt like it would give me a real measure of my progress. For most woman it is a sad day when they don't fit into their wedding dress anymore , not for me. I don't fit into mine anymore, and I hope I never do again. Next time I get the urge I'll take some pictures.

Recipe of the day

2009-03-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

I thought I would share with you all some of the recipes I make most often:

Crock pot mac and cheese
One box of Dreamfield low carb pasta (elbows)
Four cups of shredded cheese
20oz of fat free evaporated milk

Bowl Pasta to al dente and put it in crock pot, add the other ingredients and cook on low for four hours. You can also add 3/4 cup of finely chopped onion is you prefer.

Ricotta Pasta Bake
1/8 cup of pasta, I use whole wheat rotini or hodgson mill veggie rotini
1 cup Spaghetti sauce with ground beef or ground turkey
Ricotta cheese
Mozzarella cheese

Throw pasta into the bottom of a small dish, add about half a cup of spaghetti sauce with meat and then put two big spoonfuls of ricotta on top, add another half cup of spaghetti sauce with meat, top with mozzarella.

Bake covered at 325 for about 40 minutes, remove cover and bake another ten minutes to brown cheese. It usually makes between two to three meals for me.

Good News

2009-02-27T21:24:00.000-08:00

Its been five days without a blood sugar crash, even yesterday when I got hung up while I was out and wasn't able to eat for four hours. I hope this is a sign that things are beginning to stabilize. I will take the small victories when I can.

I have two more wow moments, they are relatively minor signs that the old and new me are colliding into a me that is happier and more fulfilled than I have felt in years!

Wow moment 1: I've been going to physical therapy to pain in my tailbone and SI joint. In addition to the PT sessions I have been doing 30 minutes of ab exercises at home per day to work on my core muscles and help with the pain. I'm still too flabby to notice any difference on the outside, but when the physical therapist put his hand on my stomach to make sure I was using the right muscles he said there was a lot more definition to the muscles. I reached my hand down and for the first time in my entire I can feel my stomach muscles. It gave me encouragement to keep doing these exercises no matter how much I detest them.

Wow moment 2: Yesterday I decided to go buy myself some new shoes to match a brown dress I was wearing. My feet have shrunk a bit and I my old ones didn't fit. I must have had a momentary lapse of sanity and bought a pair of red stilettos and brown shoes with four inch heels. The only thing more insane than the fact that I bought them, is that I spent ten hours yesterday walking around in four inch heels and though my feet are sore, I did not look like a oompa loompa lumbering around on stilts.

Update

2009-02-26T22:24:00.001-08:00

On Monday I will be four months out from my surgery. I have lost 109 lbs. Even after I had the surgery it seemed unreal that this day would come. Today I decided to reward myself with some new shoes, I don't know what possessed me but I purchased some four in heels. It has been a long time since I wore four in heels, I bought them and immediately put them on, but I managed to wear them the entire day. It is just another sign that I am reclaiming the old me. With every pound that goes I feel more relaxed and more confident, more like the me that I've always known was in there. Since it would be a complete update without new pictures here you go.

Hypoglycemia

2009-02-17T22:12:00.000-08:00

I have gotten an official diagnosis of hypoglycemia. The good news is that it is not a debilitating condition and can certainly be managed with diet, the bad news is that I have not yet figured out how to manage it all the time. Since I have been aware that this is an issue I have been much more area and have not had blood sugar crashes nearly as often, but it is still happening. I have to be constantly vigilant about my food and make sure that I have food with me whenever I leave the house. I had hoped that this surgery would free me from focusing on food all the time, but now it is required in order to prevent my blood sugar from reaching dangerously low levels. The normal blood sugar range is between 80-120, I have readings that were as low as the 38. In another ironic twist I have been medically advised to carry candy in my purse, I never thought a doctor would be advising me to eat candy.

My first major milestone.

2009-02-10T19:01:00.000-08:00

Today I am officially down 100 pounds! I hope you are all ready to love a lot less of me!

What I'm eating...

2009-02-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts so I thought I would update..

Fruits--I finally got brave enough to try fruits and I didn't realize how much I missed them until I had them again. I've had pineapple, blueberries, cherries, grapes and banana with no problem. I ate an apple with peanut butter one day and promptly had my first episode of dumping. I'm pretty sure it was related to the peanut butter, but I haven't tried apples again yet.

Proteins--I'm still eating all the basics, yogurt, cheese, chicken, I've also developed an new love of scrambled eggs and eat them 4-6 times a week. I've added a protein shake back into my diet because I felt like I needed to up my protein in order to start losing weight again. So far the only meat I have had problems with is beef. I tried it about a month and a half ago and I will probably try steak again sometime soon, I love steak and I miss being able to have it. Shrimp and scallops are still a staple in my diet.

Vegetables--I've tried a bunch of vegetables and so far so good. Some people find themselves unable to enjoy vegetables after surgery and I am really glad that I seem to have avoided that problems. I've tried carrots, celery, potatoes, parsnips, zucchini, spinach, tomatoes, peppers, onions, mushrooms, yellow squash, green beans and romaine lettuce.

It is not all smooth sailing.

2009-02-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

My blood sugar issues are continuing even though I have been paying close attention to my diet and making sure I eat every three hours. I have learned to be more aware of the signs of my levels going down, it usually starts with a shaking feeling and then I get a headache and start to feel nauseous and dizzy. It happened twice yesterday and once today. My levels today did not go down as low as they had last week. The good news is that I seem to recover very quickly by drinking a few sips of orange juice and eating a protein and a carb. I am going to my doctor about this tomorrow and I'll update with the result.

On a positive note I have started my physical therapy appointments for my tailbone. When I left physical therapy last week I was pain free for the first time in a while. I remained pain free for the next two days. I'm hoping the more I go the longer I can go without pain.

The Stall is broken and other random musings.

2009-02-06T17:04:00.000-08:00

I haven't weighed myself in a few days because I found that my stall is less frustrating if I don't focus on it. This afternoon I weighed myself and I am down 6 pounds, which makes my total weight loss so far 90 lbs.

The other day I was holding my friends baby and after a while my back started to hurt and I though wow she's getting big. Big is all about perspective though, the baby weighed maybe 13 lbs and I realize that I used to carry around 7 times what she weighs in extra weight. I feel the difference every day.

Today I had to go to court to deal with a speeding ticket. Going to the courthouse used to be an ordeal of finding a parking space that was close enough so I could walk to the elevator and then into the courthouse without getting winded. The elevators are notoriously slow and I had to allow plenty of extra time to get to the courthouse so I could catch the elevator. Today I parked far away without even thinking about it, walked into the courtroom and ran up the steps to get to the courtroom. I didn't break a sweat, I wasn't out of breath and I realized that I did it without thinking, I didn't head for the elevator at all, just went straight to the stairs and right on up.

My final thought for the day is that four people today commented on my appearance. They were people who didn't know I had the surgery and who haven't seen me since before I had it. They all looked at me first and said hello, and then I could see them turn back and take a second glance as if they couldn't figure out what was different or didn't feel comfortable commenting on my weight. Two of them told me I looked really good, one said I looked happy and relaxed and another one asked me if I had changed my hair. It feels good to know that even people who aren't expecting me to look different are noticing the changes.

Weight Update

2009-02-05T00:47:00.000-08:00

You have probably noticed that I have not posted a weight update in quite a while. That is because my weight loss has stalled. I have not lost a single pound in the last thirty days. It is frustrating, but I know the weight loss will come eventually. I am down 84lbs, only 16 away from 100lbs gone forever, I am hoping that if I stick to the program I will start losing again soon. As soon as I do, I'll share the news!

Even though I haven't lost any weight, I have gone down six sizes and am rapidly running out of clothing in my closet that fits me. I have also lost two of my chins, if you see them please don't send them back. My face seems different every day, that is why I continue to post pictures, so that I can look back and have a visual reminder of where I was and how far I have come.

More Pictures

2009-02-05T00:44:00.001-08:00

A post just for fun

2009-02-04T23:06:00.000-08:00

This is how we wash the kitties!

Then we hang them to dry.

This is why we don't play fetch with kitties.

Side by Side Comparison

2009-02-04T23:02:00.000-08:00

More updated pictures

2009-02-04T22:42:00.000-08:00

After I posted the last set of pictures I realized that the clothes I'm wearing really didn't fit me. So I took one more set of pictures wearing clothes that fit me.

Day of Surgery

One month Out

Two Months Out

10 Weeks Out (Same Sweatshirt as day of surgery)

10 Weeks Out (Clothes that kind of fit)

3 Months Out

Day of Surgery

One month out

Two Months Out

10 Weeks Out (Clothes that Kind of Fit)

3 Months Out

Day of Surgery

One month Out

Two months Out

10 Weeks Out (Same Sweatshirt as Day of Surgery)

10 Weeks Out (Clothes that Kind of fit)

3 Months Out

Potential Issues

2009-02-04T22:24:00.000-08:00

There is a certain amount of irony in this post. Before I had the surgery every doctor I went to wanted to check me for diabetes. It is a reasonable assumption that if you are overweight you could be diabetic, but I was not. I have never had issues with my blood sugar until now. The last week has been a very harsh reminder that I must follow my post surgical eating rules to a T.

Last week on Tuesday I didn't eat much because food did not seem to be agreeing with me. I drank some vitamin water with calories just so I didn't go without anything. For breakfast I had about five bites of quiche, for lunch half of a protein bar and for dinner I managed to get in 2 Oh Yeah protein wafers. About twenty minutes after I ate the Oh Yeah bars I started to get really shaky, I felt nauseous, lightheaded and dizzy. I was in Target when it started so I hurried up and started driving home. I live about four minutes from Target. I remember driving into my garage, turning off the car and closing the garage door, and putting my head back against the head rest for a minute. I woke up thirty minutes later.

I talked to my surgeon and he wanted me to follow up with my primary care doctor. I spoke to my primary care doctor and she wanted me to get a glucometer and monitor my sugar levels anytime I felt that way. I ate lunch today at noon and got distracted and for got to eat. Then I go headache and was feeling very shaky so I tested my blood sugar. I had not eaten in six hours when I tested. My level was at 44 which is very low. I drank some orange juice and tested again forty minutes later, my numbers were back up in the normal range at 109 and I felt much better.

So I need to stay on track, no more forgetting to eat because the results can be disastrous.

On one hand I am relieved that what is going on seems to be as simple as making sure I eat regularly and keep some peanut butter crackers on hand for anytime when I feel shaky On the other hand it is ironic that I am now worried about hypoglycemia when I have been warned about the dangers of high blood sugar my entire life.

While there is a chance this will go away in time, it is likely that I will need to adapt my lifestyle to deal with this issue for the long haul.

Its not all sunshine and roses, but I'm still happy that I had the surgery.

(P.S. Mom if you're reading this I am fine and I'm going to follow up with the doctor :-))

Changes in my appearance

2009-01-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

The strangest thing for me has been the changes in my face. I have mentioned before that I hated the way I looked in pictures because the face I saw was not the me I recognized, in just a short span of time I no longer recognize my face, but I like the me that I see.

Hair loss

2009-01-30T18:43:00.001-08:00

People who have this surgery usually experience hair loss between three and six months. I was hoping to dodge the bullet, but today right on cue I noticed that more hair than usual is falling out. I have taken some picture of my hair and will post them if the loss become noticeable. At this point even if I go bald I don't care, I will still be happy with the results.

Other updates...

2009-01-30T15:17:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine complained that I don't update this blog often enough. I bet she's sorry now! Hi A.. when can I see the baby?

In other news, I can now drink from a straw. I was told to avoid it for a few months after surgery because the air in my stomach can cause problems. Some people are unable to burp after they have the surgery and drinking through a straw causes sheer misery. Fortunately, I don't have that problem!

What surgery did I have?

2009-01-30T14:43:00.000-08:00

Many of my friends know that I had gastric bypass, but most don't really know that that means other than I have a small stomach.

Here is a picture of what I had done:

How was your surgery done?

My surgery was done laproscopically.

Here is some more info from the Mayo clinic's website.

"In gastric bypass (Roux-en-Y gastric bypass) the surgeon creates a small pouch at the top of your stomach and adds a bypass around a segment of your stomach and small intestine.

The surgeon staples your stomach across the top, sealing it off from the rest of your stomach. The resulting pouch is about the size of a walnut and can hold only about an ounce of food. The pouch is physically separated from the rest of the stomach. Then, the surgeon cuts the small intestine and sews part of it directly onto the pouch.

This connection redirects the food, bypassing most of your stomach and the first section of your small intestine, the duodenum (doo-o-DEE-num). Food enters directly into the second section of your small intestine, the jejunum (jay-JOO-num), limiting your ability to absorb calories. Even though food never enters the lower part of your stomach, the stomach stays healthy and continues to secrete digestive juices to mix with food in your small intestine.

Some surgeons perform this operation by using a laparoscope — a small, tubular instrument with a camera attached — through short incisions in the abdomen (laparoscopic gastric bypass). The tiny camera on the tip of the scope allows the surgeon to see inside your abdomen.

Compared with traditional "open" gastric bypass, the laparoscopic technique usually shortens your hospital stay and leads to a quicker recovery. Fewer wound-related problems also occur. Not everyone is a candidate for laparoscopic gastric bypass, however. Talk to your doctor about whether this approach is appropriate for you. "

What do your scars look like?

I have five small scars on my belly. I have posted a pic of one my scars below. I am not brave enough to post a picture of my whole belly, but they all look fairly similar to this one, which is located directly above my belly button.

Vitamins

2009-01-30T14:30:00.000-08:00

I get asked about this a lot so I figured I would put this post up for those that are curious. RNY Gastric Bypass modifies your stomach so you are left with a tiny pouch that will initially hold 2-4 ounces. It also modifies your intestines so that the food that you eat does not travel through your entire intestional tract, so your body does not absorb all the calories that you eat. The side effect of that is that not only can it not absorb all the calories, but it also does not absorb all the nutrients. To prevent vitamin deficiencies I will have to supplement using vitamins for the rest of my life. I current take:

Prilosec (I take this every day to prevent stomach ulcers. Many patients take this daily for 6 months to a year after surgery but some take it longer. Ulcers is one of the most common complications that RNY patients will have.

Calcium Citrate 1,500mg (8 LARGE pills) Citrate is the only type of calcium that can be asborbed by patients that have had RNY gastric bypass, all other forms of calcium require acid in the stomach to be absorbed and we do not have that.

Iron 50mg a day (the amount is so high because I am a female who has not gone through menopause, people who have not had surgery and supplement with this amount may be taking a toxic level of iron).

Vitamin D3 5000IU (dry)

Sublingual B-12 1000mcg (B12 deficiencies are very serious and can call irreversible nuerological problems)

B Complex Vitamin

Biotin (To try and prevent hair loss)

Multi-Vitamin ( I was on a chewable from Bariatric Advantage for the first three months and I am now switching to Centrum Silver. I am taking the Silver forumlation because it does not have Iron. If you take Iron and calcium together they will block the absorption of each other.)

2009-01-30T14:24:00.001-08:00

Day of Surgery

One month Out

Two Months Out

10 Weeks Out (Same Sweatshirt as day of surgery)

10 Weeks Out (Clothes that kind of fit)

3 Months Out

Day of Surgery

One month out

Two Months Out

10 Weeks Out (Clothes that Kind of Fit)

3 Months Out

Day of Surgery

One month Out

Two months Out

10 Weeks Out (Same Sweatshirt as Day of Surgery)

10 Weeks Out (Clothes that Kind of fit)

3 Months Out