Friday, January 30, 2009

3 Months Out

Tomorrow will be three months out from my surgery, I cannot believe how much my life has changed since that. My official stats are not much different than they were a week ago, my weight loss is still stalled at 84lbs. However, every day I see subtle signs that my body is changing.

Yesterday I was going out with a friend to engage in my new obsession, coupon shopping. I thought I had four pairs of pants that I could wear and they were all in the dryer with her arrival ten minutes away I got desperate and headed to the bin in the back of my closet. I pulled out a pair of pants that is six sizes smaller than I was the day I had the surgery, I pulled them on and sucked in hoping I could make do with them for one day. They fit! I let out my breath to see how tight they were and to my surprise they were loose. I put them on today and Jeff said, "those pants are baggy on you." I said I know and I smiled. It is nice that my clothes not fitting is now a good thing. I am excited to see what other treasures I can find in my closet.

My energy level is higher than it has ever been, I am no longer too tired to do anything. I used to go the mall and drive around until I found the closest spot, now I don't care, I wander the mall just for fun, I take the long way, I run up and down our stairs many times a day. I clean the house and have energy left over to do other things.

I'm still doing well with my diet, though I have cheated a few times and eaten things that were not on my plan. I must confess to eating tostitos, a few bites of a cupcake and on new years eve whipped cream. The difference is I can have one bite and I am full. I can see every day that this surgery is working, but every day I have to wake up and recommit myself the follow the plan. I have heard a few people say that this surgery is the easy way out, it may seem that way but it is not. I had a surgery that changed my intestines and made it possible for my body to work with me instead of against me when it came to losing weight, it did not take away the desire to eat a potato chip, to have a dessert, to snack on chips and dip, to comfort myself with food when I am sad. Those are demons I must fight on my own. So while the surgery made it possible for me to feel full by eating less, it does not change the habits that I have created over a lifetime. Think about your life, even those of you that don't have weight problems, and try to think of any social activity that does not involve food. There are not many, this surgery changes your life in ways that are harder and more complicated than you could possibly imagine.

Many people use food to cope with stress. Have a bad day, eat a piece of cake, instantly you feel better. If someone is sad take them out to dinner, get a promotion, go out to celebrate, get disappointed or break up with a boy, feel better with pizza and beer. Overnight that coping mechanism for me went away, food is not my friend anymore, it is not my enemy either, but it no longer has the ability to affect my moods. If I am upset I must deal with the source of that emotion, so far I feel that it has made me more assertive when I am upset and better able to deal with the things that upset me and stress me out. There have been other major positive changes in my life, for the first time in many years I feel relaxed and stress free and the benefits on my health have been immeasurable.

I don't know if I am far enough out from the surgery yet to have an informed opinion about it, but I have not regretted it for a single minute. I wake up each morning refreshed and renewed and ready to continue charging towards the future.

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